Updated: Apr 12
Which is to say, to open to what life is presenting in each moment.
It is rare to hear people talk about how painful it is to get free.
Free from our pain.
Free from our DNA, and our ancestral karma.
Free from the way the world expects us to be.
Nobody talks about the pain and discomfort of being human.
I see so much of our culture, trauma aware, wanting to regulate, but at the same time I see it as coddling. Whilst it is important to regain balance and a healthy nervous system that can respond to life, what I see is the desire to keep things neutral, or safe, when the reality of our existence is to be open to all the experiences as they land in our laps.
Not pushing it away. Or going into the story.
Being seen in each of our human moments.
No matter how much “work you do", nothing will get you free from life.
Life asks us to meet it. As it is.
To be robust and flexible.
Open and responsive.
With every single human emotion.
Not just the ones that keep our (ego) appearance in check.
A fucking struggle.
Letting oneself be seen on this.
But the more I see, the more I question my role as a guide and teacher the more I see the need to have boundaries which allow me to be seen as I am. That’s the only thing that I feel will allow you to be you.
Seeing me be me.
Teachers talk about objective ways of teaching. The only truly objective way I see it to be wholly and completely in my own/ your own subjective experience and create space for someone else to be in theirs. Knowing they don’t need fixing or saving, that they just need spaces to be seen and felt and heal as they are.
Sure it sounds simple, but I know it’s not.
And I know that this is something that you might read and feel you can do alone. And I’m sure you could, but at the same time there is a truth that we come together and do this in community. This is where I’ll be. This is what I stand for.
How does being seen relate to the mature feminine?
How does the messiness of our human experience meet the archetypes of maiden and mother?
For context, one of the main references I use is an archetypal lens. When using this lens, I am inviting you to adopt a relationship to different aspects of self, or rather, psyche. (You can also scroll through the posts on my page to read more about this)
One of the main hurdles I see that women encounter on the path of mature feminine is the dichotomy of being seen and patience.
I want to begin by saying that this can be a spiral-like experience, not a “one and done.”
We are beginning to establish and cultivate a relationship with the maiden, the inner mother and the creativity of the moment. Yes. It will be messy, it will be confronting, and it will be rich with the medicine that we have been conditioned to reach for and seek outside of ourselves.
So often I notice one’s proclivity towards being “in (archetypal) mother” as though this energy will absolve the pain one feels by having lived in maiden for longer than the human psyche was ever designed.
(Again, please note, that when I use the term in maiden/ mother, that I am referring to the energetic and archetypal lens in which to both look at and engage with the world/ your life. It is something that implies choice and is not imposed upon an individual. You may choose, as the reader, to adopt this lens, or you may not.)
This is simply not the case.
Whilst this is a path that may lead towards maturity, the main issue I see and have also felt from my direct experience is the notion that that work, the process, will free us from our experience. The endless unveiling of the maiden and building a relationship with her is something that requires us to be in the “not knowing” which is to say the chaotic, creative and unpredictable nature of life force (aka, the feminine.)
The gross discomfort of the moment is the place where we cultivate the relationship with not only the moment but different aspects of our psyche/ archetypal forces.
It is where we let her share her wisdom with us, in this instance I am referring to the wisdom of the maiden.
Whilst many other teachers and guides of this work may talk of moving towards the energy of archetypal mother, what I see is that this journey demands presence in each passing moment.
In this way we transform, we become, for to be in the moment is at the essence of becoming.
In the field of the feminine, I see a lot of talk about the battles we must fight in the name of the mother. But to jump into action is yet another way of denying the pain/ pleasure that is available in the moment. Rushing from one pain point to another, attempting to fix it is not mother energy.
In fact I would go further to say that it is immaturity disguised in maturity. Everything that I have ever read, witnessed or experienced of the mother's energy is rooted in non action.
What I mean by this is that there is an opening and an infinite ability to trust the unfolding of the moment. It is the presence of the mother that creates miracles. It is through the loving (accepting/ forgiving) of what is, that things transform, be it a relationship to anyone or anything.
Someone wise once told me that anything that we deny or see as outside of ourselves persists.
Anything that we accept (love) as our own transforms.
This relates to the dance between the eternal maiden, and inner mother, at the core of every woman. In order to see we must be patient and present. Running from one pain point to another in the name of the mature feminine is not, in fact, maturity, nor does it align to the feminine principle. From my perspective, it only indicates the inability to be seen in the messiness and discomfort of the unknown, for one’s desire to retaliate, fix or change a situation only implies that it is wrong the way it is.
Granted, the activist might find this an unpopular opinion. I have nothing against aligned action, which comes from the ability to be in the moment. Please do not confuse this will wallowing and staying in and with the pain point, which is another piece entirely. But something must be said about the way we, as human beings, run from pain to pleasure, from pain to action/ fixing, without allowing the pain to reveal the deeper truth. This is where patience and the art of relaxing with the moment, with life, with ourselves and one another comes in.
The mother responds, but what precedes this is the ability to be present and patient and trust the timing. It is in the moments where we can honestly say, “I do not know” that we begin to embody trust and our maturity. Being seen in the not knowing, in what seems to be confusion, or pain, is deeply healing, radically honest and to me, the true embodiment of freedom.